"Like the waning and waxing Moon,"

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives. And so, like bored, lonely housewives and their teenage daughters, WoW is just another cheezy soap opera to be sucked into. Apparently that's not enough. It seems this one also has to try to suck everyone else in as well.

"...a continuous struggle of light and shadow exists in the eyes of this Kaldorei."

Oh how goth! This one's struggling against the darkness within. The darkness of bedtimes, homework, and the popular girl who just won't notice him! The darkness is tainting his very soul!

"They are dull and golden, but with an unnatural purple swirling within.

His skin is paler than is healthy, and a tint of violet-red is beneath his eyes. He constantly wears a mask, stained with blood but noticeably clean besides."

If you liked the Magic GothyKnife, you'll love its best friend, the Magic GothyMask! With realistic FakeBlood™ technology, your friends won't know if it's your blood or your cat's! Hide those unsightly pimples while maintaining the illusion of being mysterious! Order yours today!

"If ever visible, his right cheek holds a scar, where skin was cut but quickly healed."

Didn't he just say he constantly wears a mask? Well, I guess he had to slip in at least one reference to scars and cutting on himself. He wouldn't want all the other emo losers to make fun of him. I'd hate to be the lowest face on that pathetic totem pole too.

"A silver chain necklace hangs around his neck, which ends in a shimmering crystal, shaped like the waning moon."

You know, I love that the moon is a symbol for all you emo kids out there, representing the night and all. But if you're going to put stupid crap like this in an RSP description, at least learn some of the right words. Waxing and waning refer to phases of the moon, not shapes. The words you want are crescent and gibbous. I guess gibbous doesn't convey the same image of lonely and pathetic like waning, huh?

It's like reading bad lesbian fanfiction written by a thirteen-year-old boy, using the words "flower" and "womanhood" ad nauseum because he's too ignorant or too embarrassed to get a proper vocabulary.

"Prayer breads and various other holy relics hang and cling to his vibrant temple robes."

Nice of him to provide his own communion. That's gotta be yummy!

Prayer Breads
Requires Level 45
Use: Restores 874 health over 27 seconds. Must remain seated while eating. If you spend at least 10 seconds eating, you will become a pathetic emo loser too inept to proofread his own description for typos.

"Commanding Sage of the Concilium Protectorate"

Moving up in the world, I see.

"The sullen darkness that was there seems to have brightened somewhat."

Oh my god, she looked at me in homeroom!

"The mask he wears is clean and white again."

Don't worry, I'm sure the warranty covers defective FakeBlood. But if you didn't save the receipt you won't get store credit for it.

"The glow in his eyes is gold but still dull, the purple shadow not completely dominated."

I'm going to ask her out. But she'll say no, and I'll go back and write about the angst of my life.

"He wears the robes of absolute nobility."

One of the perks of his new title, I guess, along with the key to the executive washroom and all the twinkies he can eat.

"They are certainly at contrast to his oddly dark mood. Bright, vibrant, and adorned with holy idols noteably[sic] rich. A silver-chain necklace hangs about his neck. The pendant is a waning moon of shimmering moonglow crystal.

"Truth be told, he still has an air of depression and lost thought. A real smile is seldom found, and his gaze is always off somewhere. Or through someone where it should be focused upon them."

I didn't know elves suffered from ADD. Maybe if you're lucky, Blizzard will add in Recipe: Ritalin for the epic Alchemists.

"It is evident that the sickness is still there, but perhaps his health has taken a turn for the better."

Maybe try getting out a little more, get some sunlight and fresh air, and you won't have to worry about your health so much.

Offenses
Pathetic Emo Loser: 15
Self-Important Dork: 2
Contradictory Bullshit: 1
Waxing Poetic: 7
Abusing the English Language: 1

Score: "My noble robes are black, black like my soul. Don't make fun of me, or I'll totally bitch you out on my DeadJournal."