roudly fighting the War on Emo!

Shiyojao Shiyo Gaishi Waki Jao
King of Thunderfalls

a.k.a. "I'm a pathetic little kiddie with no discernable personality who's filled that gaping void by taking his love of shitty japanimation and turning it into a fetish."

His face is ruined in scars, and other battle wounds, noticeably a small tip of his nose is missing.

I don't understand where all these fanboys get off thinking that scars and battle wounds, especially limited to the face, are some indication that they're a big scary warrior instead of a pasty, scrawny nobody sitting in a basement.

All it really signals, of course, is this person just doesn't understand what a helmet is for or that perhaps the best tool to parry an orc's axe blow is not one's nose.

When fighting bug-like creatures Shiyo seems to have a slight look of fear, and increased anger.

This is most certainly appropriate for a physical description of the character, because of course all entomophobes wear big signs and/or placards saying "Please follow me around throwing cockroaches in my path all day so you can watch me shriek like a little girl as I stomp on it."

Actually roleplaying something like that is such a bother, don't you know.

His eyes are a slightly glowing Red-Orange. He smells of rot slightly, unless his eyes are flaming in which he smells heavily of rot.

I always wonder how these people expect to operate in polite society with glowing eyes, glowing demon tattoos, and obvious signs of fel taint and mutation. You'd think that with the Burning Legion and the Scourge marching over Azeroth wiping out whole villages the guards would be a little more wary about that sort of thing. Something along the lines of "Glowing eyes, huh? Alright, off with your head!"

His hair is a dark brown, almost long, and curly.

What the hell is "almost long" supposed to mean? Is this "I want long anime hair, but don't want to be mistaken for a girl"?

He seems to have no beard, or mustache.

He "seems" to have no beard or mustache. So, he might actually have facial hair that would give a rabbi pause, but he's got some sort of selective invisibility spell going.

His skin is naturally tan, even in the winter months.

If his skin is naturally tan, what does the season matter? It's almost like this character was played by a pasty white shut-in who's never had enough contact with either the sun or other people to know that different people have different colors of skin and just assumes they're all like him.

He has a scrawny build, and is left handed. He stands a massive 6'3. His weapon usually hangs on his right hip, no matter how colossal it is.

Of course he carries around some impractically large sword-like object, probably with guns strapped to one or both ends. You'd think that WoW's already-giant weapon models that look like they were designed by chimps would be enough for the average anime fanboy, but no, this guy's got to strap one to his hip like it's a belt knife.

Shiyo holds his shield upon his arm, almost at all times.

Well sure he does! Why wouldn't he? The Hitchhikers were wrong; the shield is the most useful thing in the world. It's a shelf, it's a plate, it's a table! It'll keep you dry when it's raining or (thanks to the aforementioned impractically large models) you can turn it upside down and go for a swim!

Sure it'll get in the way of everything, and since large slabs of wood aren't exactly haute couture he won't be doing much socializing with anything other than his buckler. I can think of few things that would spoil the moment more than trying to drag that into bed with you. But it wouldn't matter anyway, since it's not like the "Hey baby, I've got protection!" line was a real winner to begin with.

When walking this man some-what slides his feet,

It really makes one wonder why the player would include this. I'd assume that he just got tired of his mother walking behind him, poking him between the shoulder blades with a sharp stick while screaming "Pick up your feet when you walk, you lazy bum!" and this is some sort of personal fantasy of his. Why else would foot-sliding be central enough to the character concept to warrant putting it in a physical description?

upon notice you see the soles of his boots are grinded to be slippery from such acts.

"Stop! This is the Boot Police! We need to inspect the soles of your boots immediately!"

"Oh my god, Frank, look at these soles! They're worn smooth!"

"You! Down on the ground immediately! Base, we've got a code 302-R! I need a cobbler and an extraction team now!"

His armor is usually battle-worn, yet strong. His legs are long yet muscular, and are obviously built for running, and distance jumping.

So his build is "scrawny" except for his legs, which are "long yet muscular". And all of that somehow conveys the impression that he's a distance jumper, because everyone knows how different a distance jumper's legs look from, say, a high jumper or a distance runner.

When he sits he tucks his legs beneath him (like a human female), and a straight back.

The anime fetish takes an ugly turn. Not content to be super ninja king of thunderfalls, he's got to set himself up as one of those effeminate "pretty boys" that gives 13-year-old boys and girls alike an outlet for their repressed homosexuality.

This description is a panty shot and a waving tentacle away from being the opening text crawl of a behind-the-beaded-curtain movie at a shady video store.

His hands wield claw like black fingernails, pointed unnaturally.

His hands wield the claws instead of him. It's like Dr. Strangelove meets Elvira! Except if we were that lucky, the hand would go to his throat, the black fingernails would sever his windpipe, and we'd be finished with this blowhard for good.

[Theme; Rhapsody-Knightrider of Doom]

Well... at least it's not J-pop.

Pointless Description: 9
Anime Fetish: 10
Contradictory Bullshit: 23
Abusing the Word 'yet': 4
Obvious Scarring: 6
White Supremacist: 1
Touch o' Demon: 5
Theme Song: 1

Score (out of synch with moving lips): "Oh no! Godzilla is attacking Stormwind City! All our base will belong to him unless I am parting the silk with my [Thunderfury, King of Thunderfalls] which has 7 more DPS than [Arcanite Reaper] and 50% chance of flying cherry blossoms!"

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
based in the worlds of Norrath and Azeroth, and copyright their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
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