Yiffy Dimbulb here marks the third installment of our acclaimed "Learning to Hate Furries" series. Remember kids, hurting animals is wrong, unless it's just a guy in a crotchless wolf suit. In that case, have fun.

I'm sure there are some decent furries out there who have the good sense to keep their preferences to themselves. Like the man said: "Whatever thrills you." It's the people like Ryff who are ruining the whole bit for the rest of them by churning out crap like this, just as the other Rotten Apples are ruining the reputation of the roleplaying community.

Ryff is a tall, raven-haired, silver-eyed, buxom Draenei girl of dark complexion in her early 200's.

Once again, I curse Blizzard for lifting the D&D age guides without thinking about it, then failing to update it for Draenei. This person most likely wants to play an early 20's character and threw on an extra zero just to be special.

She is learning her herbalism and alchemy professions and becoming an accomplished cook.

None of which can be seen on a physical description. I don't get why so many people feel the need to include a list of their tradeskills in what's supposed to be a description of their appearance. It's annoying, like that one guy in the party who walks up and introduces himself to everyone as "the guy who works in data entry."

Ryff is a Shaman with elemental earth, fire, air, and water skills.

Well isn't that just special and unique? A shaman who can control the elements. She's collected earth, air, fire, and water, so she only needs to learn the power of Heart to summon Captain Planet.

Ghost Fox: A large female fox, my travel form: For RP there are two choices – Ryff in a fox's body. Or a wild fox "spirit" in control but with Ryff's intelligence and memories, governed by a fox's attitudes and instincts.

How exactly is that different from the first choice? This sounds like a bastardized version of Star Trek's "I was possessed by an evil alien entity" defense.

"No ma'am, it wasn't my fault. The spirit of a wild fox was in control at the time. Besides, it's not like any of your pets can successfully breed with my species..."

When the fox is dominant, her eyes turn feral, yellow. She is instinct driven with needs to run, hunt, sing, and find others of her kind.

Despite the fact that there is, as yet, no mention of any foxes at all in World of Warcraft... were- or otherwise.

She shares Ryffs craving for sex. She is distracted by noisy shiny things strolling past, like felreavers... She wants to chase them, nip at them.

Why is it that people who love animals to the point of building fetish communities around them never seem to have any knowledge of their favorite animal's behavior and habits? These kids who've barely left their parents' basement and so have never seen wild animals since their third grade field trip to the local zoo all seem to assume that foxes and wolves all act like playful puppies. It's the same thing with the cat furries who don't know that the big cats can't purr and don't have vertical-slit pupils.

If this person took the slightest bit of time away from indulging their sexual deviances to read a damn Wikipedia page they might learn helpful little tidbits like the fact foxes are not dogs, they do not chase cars because the ones who get it into their little foxy heads to try all wind up dead.

Werefox (Mandatory at full moon):

The were-creature has to change at the full moon. That's pretty standard were-lore. Of course, Azeroth has two moons. So is it one moon that triggers the change? Both moons? Some random combination of lunar phases? I guess this person figured that since they were already ignoring the lore so they could indulge their bestiality fetish they could go ahead and ignore that part too.

Bi-pedal with long, silky charcoal grey fur accented by white paws, a white forehead crest, and a while mid-chest "flash".

Here's another case of not knowing the difference between tame and wild animals. Those particular color patterns are typical of domesticated animals such as the domesticated silver fox, which is probably what came up when this person typed "silver fox" into Google's image search.

After, you know, the twelve X-rated DeviantArt galleries...

Her ears and bushy tail are "foxy".

"Hmm, I don't really have any grasp of the English language, and the only time I've ever seen a fox was in an X-rated DeviantArt gallery, so how should I describe my fox-thing's nose and tail? Oh, of course! 'Foxy'! I'm so clever!"

Her short muzzle is tipped by a pink nose. She has four full, lactating breasts and a 12-inch penis which knots in canine fashion with internalized testes.

Hangin 'em off the back of your truck is patriotic. But on a werefox? Now that's just tacky.

She has a slight pot belly and literally "comes in quarts".

I'm quite sure I don't want to know how those concepts are related. You know, putting these details in what is supposed to be a physical description tends to suggest that they are happening whenever someone is looking at them. That can't be healthy. Perhaps we should include warning labels on furries too? "If condition persists more than four hours..."

When it is not the full-moon or the days preceeding or following, Ryff has some control over her "foxy-girl" appearance. She can "choose" 2 breasts or 4 and can manifest a vagina with an over-sized 2" clit instead of her "monster".

This "abomination" of a "description" officially crosses the "line", in my opinion. It's Blizzard's policy to leave out popular features that every other MMO has such as the ability to give your characters last names. They then open the door for players to do all the work in adding these features and claim that they're not responsible for "third party add-ons" because they're either too lazy or too incompetent to police the puerile and offensive name combinations their retarded fanbase would come up with. Besides, they're too busy pinching out half-finished expansions, creating ridiculously stupid game models, and shuffling talent trees to care.

It's a nice arse-covering move on Blizzard's part, though. So when some lowlife decides to use a simple bit of XML to sell drugs or set up a human trafficking ring using the self-styled "most popular MMO on the planet", they can shrug and remind everyone how their already passive enforcement policy doesn't apply to third party add-ons.

Offenses
"Inappropriate" "Sarcasm" "Quotes": 6
Times I vomited while reading this: 4
Parents who need to be bitchslapped: 2
Proof that there is no God: 1

Score: World of Warcraft. Rated T for Teen.