roudly fighting the War on Emo!

Rhaze Nalethyn
Knight of the Silver Hand

"Before you stands a man of strong stature and build. Broad shoulders, yet with a slim and lean appearance. Sizeable forearms and biceps, to a muscular torso. An unusually small waist gives way to a pair of sturdy supportive legs."

He's tall, he's short. He's fat, he's thin. He's buff, he's scrawny. He's either Oprah or schizophrenic. From his description he looks like Popeye, all thick arms and legs but no waist.

"Brazen facial features"

"Hey, pal, you lookin' at this nose? Yeah, you better not be lookin' at this nose, 'cause this nose'll mess your ugly ass up."

"...are sharp, well-defined, and nearly immaculate in design. Despite this, his face is marred and marked with old scars of battle. A scar runs across the ridge of his nose, another, running from the lower curve of his cheek to the base of his chin."

Not so immaculate now, I guess. You know, if you wear a helmet, stuff like that won't happen to your sharp, well-defined and nearly immaculate features. I guess it's just the eternal struggle between protecting your good looks and showing them off, hoping your scars will attract emotionally damaged teenage women.

"Amongst the textures of his skin, his prominent eyes shine brightly."

I wonder how many different textures of skin this one person has on his face and if his "prominent" eyes are sticking out in front or just mounted on the top of his head.

"They resemble clouded emeralds, two viewing glasses to a dark, stormy sea; shining with the conviction of a man dedicated to his duty."

This is a rare specimen indeed, the Emo Paladin. The gem eyes give it away. He's a walking contradiction. A man constantly tortured and tormented by inner demons yet still a pure, holy, hammer-wielding champion of the Light.

"A firey[sic] mane of red hair hangs beyond his shoulders giving him, a wild, proud, and lion-like appearance."

Helmet hair can be a real bitch, so tame the beast with L'FroofyPoo brand hair spray! Strong enough for a warrior, pH-balanced for a paladin.

"His steps are trudged heavily, a great unseeable[sic] load borne upon his back."

"*cough* *wheeze* Encumbrance be damned, this is +13 Strength armor!"

"His demeanor matches that of a man of several ages, but an aura of youth still surrounds him."

"Goshdarnit you little whippersnapper! I still gots me moxie! See, they used to call this here dance the Hoppin' Chattie and we'd->CRACK< Oh god, there goes mah back again! Martha! Go and get me my pills, woman!"

"Despite his intimidating appearance and manner. A certain sense of kindness and compassion encompasses him. Wisdom and advice gleam from behind a very seldom seen smile. A solemn but benevolent disposition, resembling a patriarch with years of wisdom and knowledge. Available to give valued advice or listen to troubled words or questions."

Wise Patriarch? Valued advice? More like, "Popeye Sez: Eats yer spinach, kids!"

Contradictory Bullshit: 15
Superfluous Scarring: 2
Abusing the English Language: 9++
Stereotypical Emo Description: 5

Score: "Hi, I'm Rhaze Nalethyn, Knight of the Silver Hand. Get that figure you always wanted with my special arm- and leg-only creatine. And don't forget to check out L'FroofyPoo's exquisite line of cosmetic creams and salves!"

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
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