ecause there are always those in the bushel...

Marlan Darksbane
Retribution Crusader

"Marlan is a tall, athletic human paladin with a coarse, square face but flowing golden blonde hair usually hidden beneath and imposing Judgement helmet.. He is wearing a polished suit of high quality armor forged almost entirely in Blackrock Mountain. The air around his armor shimmers slightly like desert sand under noonday sun as the energies within augment his powers significantly. A Knight Champion's insignia is once again pinned on his breastplate."

I hate goobers who have to show off their epic loot at every opportunity, even while roleplaying. They think it makes them special, to go around waving their Mighty Sword of Swinging E-Peen, when all it really does is let everyone know how empty and pathetic their lives are.

"His accent and manneriusms[sic] are distinctly different from the locals in Stormwind - those familiar with human culture would recognize them as being indicitave[sic] of a gentlemen from lorderon - if it still existed that is. Those unfamiliar with Old Lorderon[sic] might simply wonder why he is "talkin' funny"."

Marlan doesn't need a spell-checker (though it would help) quite so much as he needs a "giant pompous ass" checker. He could have just said "His accent seems out of place in Stormwind" and he would have covered the only pertinent information in the description. If you want to give your character's speech a particular inflection, then please actually take the time to roleplay a character with a particular inflection! FlagRSP wasn't created to roleplay for the oobergoobers who want to pretend they belong on a roleplaying server.

"The sword used to slay Fandral Staghlem's son during the War of the Shifting sands is currently strapped to his back."

Of course he has the sword. EVERYONE has the sword. But Marlan's trying to make it out that he's the only one in the world to have this special blade, having personally wrested it from the loot table of whatever schmuck was lucky enough to whack the son of that horse's ass. Like he's got Chris Metzen locked up in a closet somewhere so he can write himself into the Warcraft canon. Malfurion Stormrage, Uther Lightbringer, Sylvanas Windrunner... and Marlan Darksbane. This boy is the poster child for egomania.

It's like a bad fanfic run amok.

Unique and notable artifacts spring up like weeds these days. On one trip through Ironforge, I myself found twenty-seven Horns of Onyxia, thirteen heads of Edwin Van Cleef, over a hundred Jaina's Signet Rings, and a piece of the True Cross! Marlan probably bought that sword off some shady little goblin who promised him it was the gen-yoo-wine article, his for only 19.95!

Plus shipping and handling, of course.

Bag of Hot Air: 10
Lootwhore: 5
Lore Raping: 2

Score: "I am the very model of a modern major general..."

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