roudly fighting the War on Emo!

Maedrian Halobearer
...and of flesh tempted...

a.k.a. "Tagged with multiple solicitation charges"

To say that this woman is beautiful would be a dramatic understatement.

Oh goodie, because it's not like Azeroth doesn't have enough roving prostitutes. I wonder what kind of attention-starved basket case it takes to roleplay someone who's entire personality revolves around the way they look. I wonder what it says about our society that we could produce a person like this.

Her robins-egg blue eyes

Take special note of that. It's not just blue, it's robins-egg blue. HTML code #33CCFF, not #33CCDD, because #33CCDD is a whole different crayon in the box.

glow with the stunning brilliance of finely cut gemstones beheld in sunlight. Her richly tanned flesh is utterly pristine, as smooth and soft as a rich cream;

I don't know about you, but I haven't been running my hands over any cream lately. Even still, smooth and soft are not two adjectives I would use to describe a liquid.

So flawless a texture as to be felt with the eyes alone.

Did they not explain the five senses to this person in elementary school? Eyes see, they don't feel anything unless you're poking them with a stick, something I'm seriously considering if it'll get me out of reading the rest of this description.

Her exotic white hair flows with perfection of a quiet stream and the grace of the wind; an enticing grace her every form and movement seems to revel in. Every tiny feature and expression, movement and change - from the slight movement of her hair to the visibility of her well, yet not grossly toned, muscles - all combined to form a creature of the greatest allure.

It's like she cracked open a 4th grade English book and went shopping! "Ooh! I'll take a metaphor and a simile and oh my god 10-for-1 adjectives! Do you take Mastercard?" The problem is she didn't seem to get around to looking at the rest of the book, where it tells you how to use all those things without making your readers vomit.

A pinnacle of loveliness, Maedrian is almost too good to be true.

Well, you know what they say. If it seems too good to be true, it probably is. This is obviously the point in the description where we make it truly emo and shift to the mysteriousness.

Looking past the physical beauty is difficult.

Of course it is...

However, once accomplished, it leaves one to wonder.

... wonder where the nearest vomit pail is, maybe. That's certainly my next stop.

Her proportions seem unnaturally exaggerated, her beauty -too- complete, and the all encompassing charm in her movements seems otherworldly.

And I'm starting to get that cold, sick feeling every time I think a description is about to include a magic slut-enhancing mind control device. It's normally some demon magic, like being a succubus in disguise, or some vampire power ripped off from a low-budget cult film.

The way her very existence seems to demand one's attention to the point of noticing every last detail of her beauty to an unreasonable extent is unsettling as well.

Continuing to describe her beauty to this unreasonable extent is certainly unsettling me.

The longer one is around her, the more apparent this becomes. In dim enough light it is discernable that her eyes glow in less figurative ways. Perhaps the commanding charm and attention her presence demands has something to do with the unique scent about her, a faint yet captivating scent that's both flowery and bestial at the same time.

And we have a winner! I am of course referring to myself, for successfully predicting that being a run-of-the-mill uberbeautiful slut just wasn't enough for this player. No demon magic or vampire powers though. This lady apparently responded to the "Get any man with pheromone perfume" ad in the back of her supermarket beauty magazine.

She's certainly gorgeous, but something is clearly amiss with this woman...

"Something is clearly amiss" is an understatement on the level of calling the Grand Canyon an irrigation ditch. If I was a psychologist, this person would be the focus of my thesis. Given the opportunity to describe their character (which, in most cases, tends to be the player's ideal self) this player chose to focus entirely on "she's so sexy oh my god please pay attention to me!"

I think I'll call my paper "In Support of a National Eugenics Program."

Obvious Slut:
Attention Whore: 15
Abuse of Adjectives: 27
One-Dimensional Character: 1
Mind Control Fantasy: 1

Score: "Oh, you still have some faith in humanity? That's cute! Here, let me take care of that for you..."

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
based in the worlds of Norrath and Azeroth, and copyright their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
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