roudly fighting the War on Emo!

Azshadre Velaura Windfury
Light of Elune

"Azshadre Windfury. The woman who knows no end of kindness, caring, and generosity."

She also knows no end of self-flattery. You know, generally when you have to flatter yourself, it's because no one else will. You might as well walk around with "ALONE" tattooed on your forehead.

"She is informally known as the Mistress of Lust."

Azshadre: Self-Styled Queen of Prostitutes. At least, I'm assuming it's self-styled given her penchant for boasting. I suppose it's possible there's some sort of Silver Hand Prostitute Guild active on the server that holds elections, but these ladies of the night tend to be a rather territorial bunch. After all, there are only so many street corners in Stormwind.

"Azshadre stands at the average 6'5 and weighs around 125 pounds. She appears to be in her mid 20's in Human years."

6'5" and 125 pounds? Wow, I guess anorexia is in this year. Even an elf averages close to 200 pounds. That's from the WoW RPG, by the way. It's what's called "research" instead of "making shit up to sound like a slut."

"Her skin tone is a mix between a light pink and a light violet."

Pink and violet are two separate colors. Having a mix of the two would indicate either a lot of bruises (typical for the attention whore) or some sort of disease (probably picked up in years of working the streets).

"Her body is shaped to perfection. As she walks her hips sway seductively, capturing any man's interest."

This is what we call "godmodding", controlling the actions of other characters. In this case, she's such an attention whore that she can't stand any male walking by without fawning over her. It's sad when pathetic people bring their insecurities into the game and try to overcompensate by selling themselves off to anyone who pays them the slightest bit of attention.

"Her body is curved and shaped sexily, though she appears to show no sign of working to gain her form."

First off, 'sexily' isn't even a word. I have the horrible feeling she goes on about her 'naturally sexy' form as though that's somehow extra special appealing. And what exactly would a sign of "working to gain her form" be? I think this player is just feeding into their fantasy of being able to eat cheeseburgers like popcorn while playing World of Warcraft all day and still somehow look good enough to get a date.

"Her hair is a navy blue color. It comes down to her shoulders and she holds it back in a small ponytail at the back of her head with a silk string."

I really need to set out a list of rules that I can just point to whenever someone blows past the flagRSP warning box and makes a typical faux pas in their description. Rule #1: If it appears on your character model, it doesn't go in the description! The description box is for visible and obvious things that are not shown on the character. And who the hell cares what kind of string she puts in her hair? Is silk somehow sexier than wool or linen? I don't know about her usual type of lapdog, but it takes more than a piece of shiny string to get my attention.

"She wears only the finest materials and outfits, obviously very concerned with her appearance to others. Her clothes are always washed and kept well tended to."

It's well kept, or well tended to. Not kept well tended to. Proofread! And it frightens me that they player felt the need to include the fact that the character washes her clothes, as if basic hygiene is a foreign and magical concept to the player.

"Her eyes, a notable feature of her, glow as if pearls. In the light they gleam brightly and shin[sic] brilliantly. When in the dark they glow like small lights."

Eyes glowing as if pearls? I don't think I've ever seen a glowing pearl before. It's probably just dork writing as if smart. You know, the eyes on the elf models do actually glow (albeit faintly on the females) so you don't really need to write a little poem about it. Again, the fact that you have to write romantic odes to your own eyes is indicative of the fact that no one else ever will.

"Overall Azshadre surrounds herself with beauty, lust, and seductivty[sic]."

Damnit, she's trying to make up words again. Public education: your tax dollars flushed down the commode! What she's really surrounding herself with is a coterie of lonely teenage boys with nothing better to do than regurgitate this description back to her when she goes off on a self-pitying emo fit.

"And when one gazes upon her she often immediately notices and gives a seductive and impish grin at them."

That's the third time she's used (or tried to use) the word 'seductive'. I'm torn between sending this lady a thesaurus or beating her to death with one to put myself out of her misery. The impish grin is, of course, her way of hanging a sign around her neck that reads "Taking All Comers." I guess it's true what they say: anyone can get some if they lower their standards enough.

"Note to all Spellcasters: If you gaze into Azshadre (Using Mind Vision or whatever) you'll notice an endless darkness and a bright light within her."

Rule #2: Cut the contradictory emo bullshit. You can't have it both ways. What is it with these misunderstood emo kids? I'm tired of every "endless dark abyssal pit of blackness" having a bright pure light at the end of the tunnel. If you really think you're mature enough to climb inside the psyche of either saint or serial killer, then pick one and go for it. Otherwise, just hang a sign that says "I'm a spoiled teenager who's pretending to be dark so daddy will pay attention to me" and spare the rest of us your whining.

"Those with magical vision (Demon Hunters etc.) will notice two angelic wings sprout from her back, one is a pure black, and the other is a pure golden white."

Magic angel spirit wings, and off-colored ones at that. Symbolic, no doubt, of her gothy little dichotomous soul. It sounds like something ripped directly from either a terrible anime or a Final Fantasy game.

"Theme Song: Aerith no Theme:Final Fantasy 7: Advent Children"

Final Fantasy game it is! Damn, I'm good.

Abusing the English Language: 7
Contradictory Bullshit: 4
Made-Up Words: 2
Redundant Description: 4
Godmodding: 1
Obvious Slut: 10
Attention Whore: 10
Stereotypical Emo: 3
Anime Rip-Off: 1
Theme Song: 1

Score: "Don't call me a lying whore, or the 39 guys who've fallen for my act already will come rushing in to tell you how wrong you are!"

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
based in the worlds of Norrath and Azeroth, and copyright their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
This site is created, owned, and updated by Anya Talisan.
Please e-mail before using, reproducing, or borrowing any portion of this site.