roudly fighting the War on Emo!

Ancilla Vassus Or Extraneus Nocte

a.k.a "Strange Night" You ever get one of those feelings that something bad is going to happen? Bad Latin combined with anything relating to "night" gives me the creeps.

"child of Malkav & the night. Butcher by trade."

Boy oh boy do I hate being right. For the uninitiated, the Malkavians are a type of vampire in the roleplaying games favored by emos, kindergoths, and other teenagers desperate for mommy and daddy's attention. Specifically, the Malkies are the whackjob insane vampires. So, what we're looking at here is a crazy vampire night elf whore.

It's like the burrito supreme of bad roleplaying.

"Ancilla is pale, deathly pale, her skin even for a night elf's, is white, her blood veins are visible through her skin, her skin white as milk."

White as milk, yet also completely transparent so you can see the blood veins, as opposed to all the other kinds of veins.

"We could ramble on about how pale her skin is"

'Rambling' implies some slight coherence, which would be a hair better than "put gothy-sounding words in a blender until a jumbled run-on sentence comes out".

"but there are other things we must describe."

Who is this we? Is there a gloom cookie slumber party all huddled around this computer, drinking Kool-Aid "blood" and giggling as they take turns cybering with everyone that passes by?

"Besides her pale skin, she is very attractive, almost, hauntingly attractive."

We have a word for that out here in grown-up land: 'Necrophilia', a.k.a. "popping open a cold one".

"Her looks draw you in but, it is as if she is enchanted. It sends chills through your spine, but her look say yes, but something inside you, or Elune her self, warns you, pulls you back."

"As your eyes travel down her pale skin and you take in all the "elements" of her body,"

Read: "bewbs."

"you notice her hands, they have Blackened markings, they are as if scorch marks,"

The scorch marks are as if black, and this writing almost is as if English. Here's a tip for all the guys out there: if a woman shows you "tattoos" that look like they were made with repeated cigarette burnings, just back away slowly.

"they twist and turn, forming demonic runes. Her fingernails are to sharp and black, almost like claws."

"Moving down lower than her hands you travel down the rest of her."

By now, there's probably a beaten path, carved out by the lonely and desperate.

"Then back up, you stare at her face, its common Elven narrow build. Dark Blood Red lips."

Pale face with Dark Blood Red (note the capitals) lips painted on. To the angsty, she is sexy. To the rest of us, she's just popped out of a tiny little car along with fourteen of her little friends, turning cartwheels and spraying seltzer on each other.

"The moon's light seems to enhance her looks as you stare at her this night."

She looks alright so long as it's too dark to tell. Yeah, that sounds about right. Something tells me this one keeps out of the light for fear of more than just flaming like a marshmallow.

"As you keep staring, she blows you a kiss and beckons you over. She points her clawed index finger and coiling it to her palm, then stretching it out again and recoiling it back."

Not content to find a willing partner, she's already played out the entire cybersession, stroke by stroke, with everyone running flagRSP.

"A seductive smile is on her face, as you stand there, images of blood and gore rip through your mind."

That's the Malky rearing her ugly head again, the insanity projection powers. It's part of the whole mind control bit all these outcast teenagers buy into. Knowing they have no redeeming qualities for anyone else to notice, their fantasies all lean toward forcing everyone nearby to pay attention to them.

"Something warns you, or so you think. Is it just that you are tired and your imagination is acting up? Or is it truly something unnatural. To late, she is walking over to you. Best speak, or not speak. Best to not speak and let people think you are dumb, rather than speak and remove all doubt"

Well, she's certainly left the rest of us no doubt about her being a shameless angsty whore.

Abusing the English Language: 5
Abusing the Latin Language: 2
Unnecessary Comma: 27
Unnecessary Capitals: 8
Unnecessary Adjectives: 6
Unnecessary Description: 1
Contradictory Bullshit: 4
Demon Marks: 2
Stereotypical Emo: 12
Gloom Cookie: One for every word in this god-awful description.
Obvious Slut: 7
Attention Whore: 13
Obligatory Scarring: 3
Waxing Poetic: 7
Godmodding: 5
New Category - Vampire: 1

Score: "Is that what 'lady of the night' means?!? Damnit! Do you have any idea what I spent on white makeup?!? They repossessed my car!"

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
based in the worlds of Norrath and Azeroth, and copyright their respective owners. No copyright infringement is intended.
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