roudly fighting the War on Emo!

"Lianne Mooncaster" writes:

What is your problem? your site is disgusting, I looked and saw a list of "Rotten apples" and so happens I saw 3 or 4 friends on there from scanning your short "list". You are a rotten apple yourself for harassing people about their RP which HAS NO STANDING ON YOUR RP LIFE WHAT SO EVER. You are disgusting. I cant make you take anything off of your site and I dont care who you forward this to. but I will ask that you remove those names. Just because they dont fit into your little emo RP world doesent mean they are "evil emo rperzlol" and doesent mean they are people too. Maybe if you dont judge a book by its cover you'll find some pretty nice people. But I think you would much rather stick by your "leet" RPer friends and make fun of other people because your so insecure about yourself. I bet you and your "friends" dont have a single thread of origionality. Good day

Okay! So, first Rotten Apples hate mail! This truly is a milestone for me here. I feel like I should celebrate, especially in light of what this particular email represents.

Rotten Apples is pissing off all the people it's designed to!

A quick glance at this little ray of sunshine tells me the author is a ten-, maybe twelve-year-old in remedial English classes, or perhaps a little bunny escaped from the makeup-testing lab after uranium-laced glow-in-the-dark lipstick caused it to jump a few rungs on the evolutionary ladder, falling just shy of "Spoiled Mayonnaise" to land squarely on "Average WoW Gamer." Grammar and spelling alone are enough to qualify her for a crash helmet and powered wheelchair.

Just for a little background, this person was part of a guild on Silver Hand server wherein people roll up Night Elf characters, download flagrsp, and pretend they're furry dog-people running around Stormwind having lots of fun yiffy sex. From reading the flagrsp descriptions alone, a person will learn more about the canine oestrous cycle than is healthy for anyone other than veterinarians. Guilds like this live by the code of "any RP is better than no RP", which is the dumbest idea ever to surface in WoW since the Vorlons creating the Holy Light!

Notice, if you will, that Lianne Mooncaster's rsp doesn't appear anywhere on the site. It also doesn't appear anywhere in our rsp screenshot archive-dreadful shame, that. Of course, none of her "friends" have complained. They're too busy wallowing in dark corners hiding their shame. As is a common trend in WoW social circles, there's always one person that nobody likes but everyone puts up with (usually female, for reasons cybersex-related) that feels the need to go and get in anyone's face if they should happen to express a negative opinion about one of their "friends". The people being made fun of either don't know, don't care, or lacks the testicular fortitude to handle it themselves.

The rest of the email (corrected to make it coherent) contains a few gems that I can't pass up the chance to address.

She claims other people's roleplaying has no bearing on my roleplaying. This patently false statement is the shield behind which hides every cyberer, genderbender, furry, and similar dregs of the roleplaying community. Forgetting for the moment that there's no way to pre-ignore these people and thus I'll inevitably have to read a lengthy description of a Kaldorei being mounted and mastered by a german shepherd while walking through Stormwind, what I'm really worried about is some bright-eyed newbie coming across the same and thinking it's an acceptable form of roleplaying! Then I have to deal not only with the first moron, now I have to deal with the new player who's either decided to follow in the loser's footsteps or thinks that person represents the whole roleplaying community and therefore counts all roleplayers as targets for ridicule.

This is why roleplayers catch so much flak, people! Some normal, unassuming netkiddie logged on to a roleplaying server, hit a major city, then started screaming "EWW! Cat on girl sex!"

She would also like me to remove her friends' Rotten Apples from the website. Fat chance of that. Her friends are probably my best examples of the worst WoW has to offer. But let's pretend for a moment that I'm actually a nice, caring, sympathetic soul that doesn't wish every one of her friends would simply drop dead and thus spare me the pain of their existence. This fictional character I've created would probably look past the obvious idiocy of asking to remove another person's listing. He would probably understand that being made fun of to prove a point is not something the average person wants to happen to them, no matter how pathetic they are. He would then scan the e-mail, looking for the names of said friends...

Except that Lianne, realizing how pathetic being associated with those people would be (above and beyond her casual relationship with the English language that would generously be called an acquaintanceship), decided not to include the names of those she wanted removed after demanding they be taken off the site. She then goes on to inform me that I should "never judge a book by its cover," as though she just read it off a fortune cookie. The problem with that is even the scrawniest dime-store novel has more depth than the kind of people she's talking about. Those people are so shallow, you can take one look at the character's name and immediately know exactly what they're about. It doesn't take a psych PhD to know enough to stay the hell away from every Seductria, Whoretina, and Stripperella on the server.

Well I have a bit of fortune-cookie wisdom of my own for people like Lianne: Birds of a feather flock together. People will judge you by the company you keep. So if you don't want people to realize just how pathetic you really are, you should get some better friends.

Diary of a Planeswalker is a fantasy comic created and owned by Anya Talisan and Jacob Matthew,
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